High school reunions can be tricky.
Especially when they’re taking place more than 10 years after graduation. A lot can happen in those years from pimply-faced awkward teen to fully-functioning adult. All the cool kids might be complete losers now. All the dweebs could very well be successful as shit. Or, on the other, and thankfully so, there are people who never did seem to grow up to keep us feeling good about ourselves. And if you know The Gang, you’d know they fall squarely into this category.
The Gang is in the parking lot, down beers, making fun of Dee, and basically being oblivious to what is acceptable behavior for a high school reunion. It’s people like them who make me wish I had friends as obnoxious as them. They look like they’re having the time of their lives as they remember the good, but mostly bad times they had at St. Joe’s and Notre Dame High. Awesome fight song. Even better Sir Mix-a-Lot reference and explanation — “Sir Mix-a-Lot was not talking about women whose backs have recovered from horrific spinal disorder; he was talking about gorgeous black women and their big beautiful black butts”.
Can’t forget to mention the coolest high school tradition ever: “Smash ‘em up!”
Time to show these sons-of-bitches just how little things have changed. Cue theme music.
While The Gang continues jabbering over their plans to humiliate the cool kids, bask in their past glory, or huff strange chemicals in the bathrooms, they run into their first awkward reunion — a pockmarked man whose face is covered in scars, courtesy of Charlie and a box of hornets. So while Dee and Charlie run off, Mac and Dennis pick up their name tags which brings us an awesome reveal. Mac’s full name.
While Dennis remembers being the center of attention in high school, a king amongst his army of minions, high school was not so kind to Dee or Charlie. Known as the aluminum monster for her back brace, Dee is quick to ditch the old persona and move onto the Cool Kid’s table when former “Cool Kid” Adrianno takes notice of Dee’s back. Charlie plays coy and almost succumbs to the “Cool Kid” charm before Mac comes running over to save him from a world of huff. And lo and behold, Mac wasn’t cool in high school either. He was a rat. A narc. He was a goddamn tattletale.
So while Dee is off with the cool kids, with a bevy of almost-Asian looking broads, Mac and Charlie are left to their own devices. Dennis, obviously delusional, is alone. Until he is joined by Frank who is posing as some poor woman named Nikki Potnick. As Dennis tries to shoo away the creepy old man, he is joined by his “dead tooth” having ex-wife and The Waitress. Yeah, Dennis wasn’t as cool in high school as he thought he was.
While The Gang tries their best to acclimate themselves to their current rung on the social ladder, we learn very painfully that it appears that no one really changed since high school. Not Charlie. Not Mac. Certainly not the Cool Kids. Even Ricketty Cricket shows that a misadventure is only a detour before going back to one’s true self.
Needless to say, shenanigans ensue. Dennis is still alone and making too many enemies. Mac rats on the Cool Kid using fake drink tickets. Charlie huffs ammonia. Frank continues living a lie. And Dee gets in with the Cool Kids.
But none of that was as enjoyable as finding out that Mac and Charlie used to get wedgies in high school.
“To be continued…”? This was a two-parter? Awesome!